Anxiety is a mental health disorder. It is the fear of worrying, sometimes so much that it can affect your day to day life. Having anxiety as a parent is mentally exhausting.
Anytime your child is sick, you always fear the worse, which is pretty normal for mothers. But, having anxiety on top of that is hell.
You try not to think about the what if’s, mostly because you drive yourself crazy thinking about what could happen. The research and stories you hear literally make you sick.
And not wanting to scare your child with your fears, trying to be strong and not show your afraid is tough.
Feeling guilty for fearing the worse because as a mom, you are suppose to have faith in your children. You do, for sure, but whenever it comes to illness you can’t help but always prepare for the worse.
Anytime my son is sick, I find myself getting bags ready for a hospital stay. This may seem like a smart thing to do, just to be prepared, but it’s my anxiety telling me to prepare for the worse.
So many sleepless nights, your brain filled with the most terrifying thoughts that no mother wants to think about. And sometimes, it’s for no reason or over little things.
Mothers worry constantly, loose sleep over making sure their child is okay, that is what moms do. But anxiety on top of that is the most unexplainable feeling.
The simplest things can drive you insane.
Giving medicine, wondering what if I gave to much? What if I didn’t give him enough? What if he’s developed a reaction to it? What if it doesn’t work?
Not falling asleep till 4am because you have a fear that your perfectly healthy child will suddenly stop breathing, or something will go wrong.
Only to set a thousand alarms for 7am to make sure you are awake just in case. But in reality, you wake up an hour before because you can’t stop thinking of the what if’s
So not only do you drive yourself crazy with your thoughts, you are so tired you can’t stand it, but you couldn’t sleep even if you wanted too.
You can’t stand the thought of someone letting you sleep and helping out with your child, because of the what if’s.
Then, you feel guilty because you feel as if your family and friends feel as if you don’t trust them, so you worry that they are upset with you. Thinking that they may think you don’t want them around, so you worry yourself to death and constantly feel every time they come around that they feel as if you don’t want them there.
Instead of saying anything, you just let it drive you crazy, because even if they tell you they don’t feel that way that they understand, it won’t matter because you will just feel that they are saying that so you won’t be upset with them.
If you know what it’s like, I know mom, I know. I live this life daily too. It’s exhausting, depressing, and completely uncontrollable.
I’m going to give you advice from someone with Anxiety that knows exactly how you feel and what you go through…
Look into your child’s eyes.
See that? That is your reason. Your everything.
That child has more faith in you than you have in yourself. Believe me, they do.
I’m not going to tell you to not worry.
I’m not going to tell you that you need to see a doctor to get medicine.
What I am going to tell you is that you are not alone. You are not your mental illness. You are more then Anxiety.
You may be thinking, okay what is that suppose to help?
It’s not, I know words don’t help.
But what can help is support. What can help is knowing you are not alone.
Try looking at your anxiety in different ways. Yes, the over thinking is overwhelming, but you could potentially save a life with the worry, researching, and thought you put into everything. And that is amazing!
And no, I am not telling you that it’s amazing to have Anxiety because your worrying could come in handy. I am telling you that Anxiety is not something you can just ride off or ignore, or wait for it to go away.
I am telling you that just because you have Anxiety does not mean you have to life in what feels like torture by simply offering a helping hand in different ways to think.
When the worrying starts, and its driving you insane, stay away from google.
This is tough, I know, and it seems possible because you feel like you have to know every little detail, but please take my advice. Do not go to google.
Instead, try asking on mom groups or forums about some things you are curious about.
If your toe hurts, google will tell you that you may die tomorrow over it. Plus, google is not a reliable source to tell you anything about you or anyone else’s illness or anything else for that matter. Most of the articles you find on google is not written by anyone with any medical licenses that should be giving medical advice.
Knowing that helps me somewhat. So maybe, I can lend that information to someone else that may find it a little helpful as well.
I can’t cure your Anxiety and I am not going to pretend that I can. But I can offer some ways that may help you cope a little better through the days.
Always remember, you are doing great. Your mental illness does not define you in any way. You have support, you have a voice, and you are amazing.
Don’t you ever give up or let your mental illness get in your way of living life.
You know yourself better then anyone, you know what works for you and what doesn’t.
Find your inner peace, your calm place, and live there. And if you don’t have one, create one.
Good luck moms. I hope you find at least a little comfort with my words.
Much love <3